What Twin Studies Have Shown Us About Parenting

 I just finished reading One and the Same: My Life as an Identical Twin and What I Learned About Everyone's Struggle to be Singular by Abigail Pogrebin. What struck me most was the findings of the Minnesota Twin Family study done on identical twins. The results indicated that identical twins separated at birth and reunited as adults had about an equal chance of being similar in terms of personality, attitudes and interests as identical twins reared together in the same home.

I recently read another article by Bryan Caplan, a twin dad and self-proclaimed "avid consumer of twin research", entitled Have More Kids, Pay Less Attention to Them, in which he also discusses the results of identical twin studies that indicate that "the effect of parenting on adult outcomes ranges from small to zero". These conclusions indicate that as long as we are raised in a loving home (no abuse) and our best traits are encouraged, genetics (nature) pretty much plays a bigger part than all the details about how our parents raised us (nurture).

I feel like these results go against my instincts that nurture should really play a bigger part in determining who my kids will become, but if it's true that nature is a bigger factor, I also feel a huge sigh of relief. For the most part "parenting" has only just begun (I'm not sure how much one can parent an infant as much as just meet their basic needs) and has consisted of the starting of discipline ("No - do not eat those wires"), letting them watch cartoons, reading with them, teaching them to share and socializing them. I can definitely give myself a hard time for letting them watch cartoons or worrying about not socializing them enough, or I can give myself a break. It's not as though I'm giving myself permission to throw my hands up and stop parenting. But I think these studies show us that lightening up a little won't harm our kids. That having fun, loving and encouraging them is enough. Caplan writes, "Focus on enjoying your journey with your child, instead of trying to control his destination".