Doctor vs Doula

When I found out I was pregnant, I conveniently started seeing Pomegranate Midwives (directly across the street from our apartment). However, at just 9 weeks I found out I was pregnant with twins and was recommended to a highly experienced ob/gyn who specialized in multiple births as midwives can't legally be the sole caretaker in a pregnancy that is "anything outside of the norm". So off I went to see my new doctor. My experience so far with the midwives had been great. In my hour-long appointments we discussed how I was feeling, what I was thinking, and everything was presented to me as a choice (Do I want to hear the heartbeat? Do I want to do blood tests? etc). My doctor's appointments were often as short as five minutes. He'd pop me on the bed, pull out his wand, lube up my belly and look at the tiny fetuses on the ultrasound screen. Listen to the heartbeats, then "any questions?" and that was it. He was a busy man, although I will say that he knew what he was talking about, and respected me and the choices I made during my pregnancy.
I wanted something more though, than these brief appointments, so we decided to hire a doula. We met with one who really seemed like what we needed. She was all about natural child-birth and the power of woman, almost the polar opposite of my surgeon/doctor. Perfect - I could have two people on opposite sides of the spectrum providing me with their perceptions on all the issues I was going to face!

Turned out being less than perfect, especially towards the end of my pregnancy, with things culminating at the hospital the day before I gave birth.

As my belly grew... and grew... and grew... my body started shutting down as everything went to the parasites - er, I mean babies, and I was left to suffer. Well, not really but it certainly felt like it. I developed an intensely itchy and sore rash called PUPPS all over my belly, which spread to my legs, arms and chest. As any woman who has experienced the third trimester probably knows, sleep becomes elusive as you try desperately to get comfortable in bed (thank sweet baby Jesus for Snoogles!) and are awoken every two hours with a bursting bladder. Imagine that times two, plus scratching itchy skin in my sleep. Finally, at 38 weeks my blood pressure was on the rise and a few days later, bloodwork showed liver and kidney abnormalities which concerned my doctor. He'd been talking about induction since week 36 and I continually put it off, in hopes the babies would come on their own.

My doula desperately encouraged me to wait and let the babies choose their own arrival date and continually presented me with anecdotes and facts about twins born at 43 weeks, twins born at home unassisted, etc. "Of course you have liver and kidney abnormalities!", she'd say, "that can only be expected as you reach the end of your twin pregnancy". "Induction?! Breaking you water? This can lead to many interventions at the hospital including oxytocin, epidural, can lead to c-section, etc".

Exhausted (emotionally and physically), excruciatingly itchy and extremely uncomfortable, I finally made the decision to go to the hospital on August 16th, just two days before my forty week due date. I never thought I would make it that far - a month earlier I was looking for signs of labour, and as the days ticked by I became more and more desperate. Finally, here I was laying on a hospital bed with my doctor on one side, my doula on the other, watching as my doula fought him on all his assertions. He wanted to break my water, and I told him I was reluctant, and wanted the baby to break the water on her own. He asked me what the difference was, and I couldn't really answer. My doula piped up, saying that the water need not break at all, asking the doctor what on earth he was talking about (she was referring to the rare cases where babies are born in the caul). He expressed his genuine concern with my health, knowing if I waited it would continue to decrease rapidly. The doula questioned him on everything. The energy in the room turned quite awkward. In a way it was great that she was presenting the opinion against induction so I could make an informed decision - but the way she was doing it felt wrong. You could tell she did not believe or trust my doctor's opinion.
Jen (my sister-in-law who was there supporting me) had felt for a long time that the doula rubbed her the wrong way, especially after a prenatal visit that took place at Jen's house, where we could hear Jen's son upstairs crying-it-out and the doula commented that she co-slept with her children and would feel like a terrible mother if she did anything else.

So after heavily weighing the opinions of my doctor vs. doula for and against induction, and looking within myself to finally make MY decision, which was not easy, I decided to have Baby A's water broken. My doula was visibly upset and left shortly afterwards. She asked me to call her when things started picking up.

I decided not to call her back. Her energy was negative, it was obvious she thought very little of my doctor's opinion and I was afraid of her reaction and judgment if I made more choices for MY birth that she didn't agree with. Later, weeks after the babies were born, I read her blog where she referred to her "twin client". She labeled what happened to me as "birth rape" and talked about the "coercion" I subjected myself to. She went on, saying she didn't know why women hire a "birth professional" to guide them so they can NOT listen to them and let their doctor induce at 40 weeks and have pitocin and epidural throughout labour. I did not hire this so-called birth professional to make medical decisions for me - I hired her to gain her opinion in order to make informed choices for myself, and was relying on her support. My doctor, a man who has delivered more twins in British Columbia than any other doctor, a man who encourages vaginal twin births, a man who does breech births, a man who respected me, presented me with facts, and let ME make decisions about MY birth without judgment was the professional.

A couple weeks after the birth, she came over to see my babies (when I politely let her go, saying I didn't need her post-partum support). When she asked for me to share my birth story, I quickly told her the main events. "NO!", she proclaimed when I told her they started an oxytocin drip after eight hours of labouring and not dilating past 3cm.  "NO!", when I told her I'd chosen to get the epidural when, 11 hours into labour, I found out baby B was footling breech. "NO! He didn't!", when I told her the doctor pulled out Baby B as she was footling breech. "NO!" she screamed as I told her Baby A was taken to the NICU to be put on antibiotics after the water had been broken more than 24 hours. And as the doula held Carmy in her arms I just wanted to yank her right back to me when she said, "You know, Epi babies don't hold their heads up as quickly".

We hired her for emotional support, and to provide me with the opposite opinion of my doctor, as she is someone who is anti-induction, anti-epidural, anti-c-seciton. In the end, I did get her opinion, and weighed it against my doctor's opinion and went with what my instincts told me was right for me. All I ended up getting from her was judgment for allowing myself to be "birth-raped". I hate that I read that term, it won't leave my mind and it really pisses me off. So doula, what I really should have said to you, and what I want say to you is this: It's MY body, MY birth, MY choice so Fuck you!