Yesterday was a not-so-good day and my blog posting was rather distressing. Reading it over again, I wanted to mention that a) When Lena was calling for help it was because her bunny fell between the beds and she couldn't reach it (I was checking in on her every 5-10mins, I hadn't just left her up there for an hour yelling "help!", b) Lena did not nap, c)Lena woke Carmen up, d)Both girls were cranky, but e)The world did not crumble.
Yes, they were tired all afternoon. We didn't go out like I planned because Lena was acting tired and having accidents in her undies, which is weird because she hadn't had any accidents for a week. Tired? I don't know, but the world did not crumble.
Today I sat in their room with them until they fell asleep, then snuck out. I will have to do this for a while I think, as it's better than the alternative.
Now, to rest until they wake up.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Monday, March 26, 2012
Update...
There's been so much going on in our house lately, but I haven't had a second to sit down and blog about it until now. Last week I ended up in ER with heart and chest pains, a very scary place to have pains. After a lot of hours in the hospital and tests all week, it seems I have acute pericarditis and that I'm recovering. It's when the outer sac of the heart becomes inflamed as a result of a previous viral infection. Lots of ibuprofen, rest (hah) and monitoring of my progress are what the doctor ordered.
When I first started feeling the heart/chest pains I realized how stressed out I was, and I was seriously hoping the heart pains and the stress weren't related. Luckily, they weren't, but before I knew that for sure, I thought a lot about why I was stressed out, and how I could manage it. My job really stresses me out. It doesn't end, I don't get to stop being a mom for a second; it's non-stop and it's full on.
My anxiety is inextricably linked to my children's sleep, and we are going through the crib to toddler bed transition. Trying to get toddlers to go to sleep by themselves in their own bed when they have the freedom to get up and walk around the room is incredibly frustrating and anxiety-inducing.* I know they are tired, they need to sleep, and yet they won't! Right now, as I type this, my stress levels are rising as I hear Lena trying to open the door to her room, saying "help!" "help!" "Poopee poopee" (I just took her to the potty before nap-time). I've been trying to get her to go to sleep for the past hour. Carmen's been sleeping for the past 40mins. I'm afraid Lena's going to wake up Carmen, or worse, that Carmen will wake from her nap and Lena won't have gone to sleep yet. At that point, Lena will not sleep at all today because if I get Carmen up and out of the room and leave Lena in there by herself, Lena will flip out. Then I will have one cranky Lena all afternoon, with meltdowns at dinnertime that progress until bedtime.
Then I start thinking about the future, if Lena gets away with not napping today, will she think it's ok not to nap tomorrow? Is my future going to be full of these struggles, is she going to give up napping all together? I need them to nap. Naptime used to be a source of pleasure for me. For one hour during the day, I was able to shower, relax, eat something or lay on the sofa and turn off. This relax time has not only disappeared, but it's been replaced with major stress-inducing battles.
Breathe. How to manage this stress?
Reminding myself that this is not the end of the world. That the girls napped well the past few days. Today is a setback but I will not give up the fight that is nap-time. I will win and they will sleep. If not today, then tomorrow.
I need to step back. To accept that the world will not crumble if the children do not nap, even though it may feel that way. This is much easier said than done. It's really hard for me to see the big picture when I live in a world comprised of millions of minuscule and yet important pieces. Book doctors appointments, do taxes, make breakfast, make lunch, make dinner, clean up breakfast, clean up lunch, clean up dinner, buy groceries, do laundry, feed the cat, eat something, pay hydro bill, set-up direct deposit for mortgage payments, buy the babies bigger socks, and in between all that try to teach them something, show them something, and give them new experiences... chill out is the last thing on my list.
Living in that state of stress is not good for my body. I'm still figuring out how to manage. Maybe I won't figure it out, time will just pass and the babies will grow up.
*Although trying to get them to go to sleep in their toddler beds for nap-time is stressful, night-time has been going really well. So at least we've got that.
When I first started feeling the heart/chest pains I realized how stressed out I was, and I was seriously hoping the heart pains and the stress weren't related. Luckily, they weren't, but before I knew that for sure, I thought a lot about why I was stressed out, and how I could manage it. My job really stresses me out. It doesn't end, I don't get to stop being a mom for a second; it's non-stop and it's full on.
My anxiety is inextricably linked to my children's sleep, and we are going through the crib to toddler bed transition. Trying to get toddlers to go to sleep by themselves in their own bed when they have the freedom to get up and walk around the room is incredibly frustrating and anxiety-inducing.* I know they are tired, they need to sleep, and yet they won't! Right now, as I type this, my stress levels are rising as I hear Lena trying to open the door to her room, saying "help!" "help!" "Poopee poopee" (I just took her to the potty before nap-time). I've been trying to get her to go to sleep for the past hour. Carmen's been sleeping for the past 40mins. I'm afraid Lena's going to wake up Carmen, or worse, that Carmen will wake from her nap and Lena won't have gone to sleep yet. At that point, Lena will not sleep at all today because if I get Carmen up and out of the room and leave Lena in there by herself, Lena will flip out. Then I will have one cranky Lena all afternoon, with meltdowns at dinnertime that progress until bedtime.
Then I start thinking about the future, if Lena gets away with not napping today, will she think it's ok not to nap tomorrow? Is my future going to be full of these struggles, is she going to give up napping all together? I need them to nap. Naptime used to be a source of pleasure for me. For one hour during the day, I was able to shower, relax, eat something or lay on the sofa and turn off. This relax time has not only disappeared, but it's been replaced with major stress-inducing battles.
Breathe. How to manage this stress?
Reminding myself that this is not the end of the world. That the girls napped well the past few days. Today is a setback but I will not give up the fight that is nap-time. I will win and they will sleep. If not today, then tomorrow.
I need to step back. To accept that the world will not crumble if the children do not nap, even though it may feel that way. This is much easier said than done. It's really hard for me to see the big picture when I live in a world comprised of millions of minuscule and yet important pieces. Book doctors appointments, do taxes, make breakfast, make lunch, make dinner, clean up breakfast, clean up lunch, clean up dinner, buy groceries, do laundry, feed the cat, eat something, pay hydro bill, set-up direct deposit for mortgage payments, buy the babies bigger socks, and in between all that try to teach them something, show them something, and give them new experiences... chill out is the last thing on my list.
Living in that state of stress is not good for my body. I'm still figuring out how to manage. Maybe I won't figure it out, time will just pass and the babies will grow up.
*Although trying to get them to go to sleep in their toddler beds for nap-time is stressful, night-time has been going really well. So at least we've got that.
Friday, March 16, 2012
Toddler Bed Transition - Part Two
Well, we've had two naps and three nights in our new beds. The first time they napped, it took an hour for them to fall asleep, at which time they played, giggled, cried, knocked the clock off the wall, opened the door, closed the door, rolled around all over the floor and finally, went into their own beds and fell asleep.
The past two nights have been so much better than the first. It only took them 15-30mins to fall asleep in their beds. Like any transition, it's not fun, but with commitment and consistency, I think it can work. If they get out of their beds and cry, I go in and silently tuck them in again. Sometimes if they're really upset I stay and pat their bums. That being said, the girls are waking up earlier than they used to, closer to 7am than 9am but I can live with that. I know I was supremely spoiled and I am grateful for that time. Who knows what will happen over the next week. One thing I'm sure of though, is how incredibly proud I feel of them when I walk by their room and they've climbed into their own beds and gone to sleep!
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Toddler Bed Transition - Part One
Last night, we waved goodbye to our baby beds and said hello to our big girl beds. There's no time like the present right? I read somewhere last night that as a mother, if you start to wonder if it's the right time to make a change or introduce something new, it's probably the right time. And so, even though at 6am I was convinced I'd buy two big cribs on Craigslist in the morning and keep the girls in them until they turned five, I know I need to stick to our transition. Consistency and praise are the cornerstones of motherhood! No waffling about. If you're wondering why I need to make this transition now, it's because I bought mini cribs for the girls, which are much shorter than standard size cribs, as we found out we were having twins while living in our one-bedroom apartment and there was no way we could fit two standard size cribs in it. So the downside is that they grew out of them before age 2. And here we are, making the transition to cribs at 19 months.
Here's the girls playing on their brand new beds before bath time. They were really excited about them!
So here's what happened: I put all their toys and books away in the closet and locked the closet doors, and secured a baby gate across the door to their room. I nursed them and put them down at 7 like usual. Since we're potty training Lena, she told me she had to go potty as soon as I put her in her bed so I took her back out to the bathroom and put her on the potty. Carmen came to the gate and cried while I was with Lena (Orlando was in the shower after biking home so I was by myself for a bit) but I had to wait for Lena to finish. When she did, I took her back to the room and said "It's bedtime" and led them both back to their beds and tucked them in. They were both crying. I left the room and they both came to the gate right away crying. I led them back to their beds saying "It's bedtime", tucked them in and kissed them goodnight. They came back to the gate, crying. Every time, I let them cry for a couple minutes, then led them back to their beds. I stopped saying goodnight or talking to them, just gently tucking them in over and over. This went on for half an hour. It started getting darker, and they were getting more tired and cranky so I stayed in their room, sat between their two beds and rubbed their backs while they calmed down. They continually looked up to ensure I was still with them. After another half hour, they had calmed down. I left the room and went downstairs. Five minutes later, they had both come to the gate crying. Orlando went up and they got back in their beds by themselves. He tucked them in. That went on for about half an hour more. By this time it was eight thirty. We decided the next time they came to the gate, we'd leave them for a bit longer and after about ten minutes they went quiet.
At nine, I walked past their room and heard Carmen say "HI!" and I bolted up to my room. Quiet for another hour as I had a bath. I went in before bed to see where they were. Carmen was in her bed but I couldn't find Lena! Finally I found her in a pile on the floor, snoring, with her head under Carmen's bed! I put her back in bed, covered them up and didn't hear from them until 6am.
Now this is not something I want to admit. It's a guarded secret that I don't like to tell anyone. Carmen and Lena go to bed at 7pm and usually sleep until 8 or 9. This is one of the reasons I was SO reluctant to make the transition to toddler beds. I was petrified of losing this luxury. So at 6, I heard Lena come to the gate and call for us, cry a little, and then to my horror, I heard her go over and try to wake up "Dodo" (sister). For the next half hour I heard them on and off, and I had such anxiety worrying about waking up at 6 every day now... and this is when I became determined to buy two cheap cribs off Craigslist and keep them in those until kindergarten. But after a bit, all was silent and we fell back asleep. They woke up at a normal time, 8:18 (for some reason this exact time is often when we get up). I went downstairs and they were both standing in their reading nook, happy.
So that's the first night. Success? I'm not sure. It's 10am and I'm already worried about today's nap-time. I think I'll start early. Breathe in, breathe out. I am patient and loving. I will not lose my cool. Repeat.
Here's the girls playing on their brand new beds before bath time. They were really excited about them!
So here's what happened: I put all their toys and books away in the closet and locked the closet doors, and secured a baby gate across the door to their room. I nursed them and put them down at 7 like usual. Since we're potty training Lena, she told me she had to go potty as soon as I put her in her bed so I took her back out to the bathroom and put her on the potty. Carmen came to the gate and cried while I was with Lena (Orlando was in the shower after biking home so I was by myself for a bit) but I had to wait for Lena to finish. When she did, I took her back to the room and said "It's bedtime" and led them both back to their beds and tucked them in. They were both crying. I left the room and they both came to the gate right away crying. I led them back to their beds saying "It's bedtime", tucked them in and kissed them goodnight. They came back to the gate, crying. Every time, I let them cry for a couple minutes, then led them back to their beds. I stopped saying goodnight or talking to them, just gently tucking them in over and over. This went on for half an hour. It started getting darker, and they were getting more tired and cranky so I stayed in their room, sat between their two beds and rubbed their backs while they calmed down. They continually looked up to ensure I was still with them. After another half hour, they had calmed down. I left the room and went downstairs. Five minutes later, they had both come to the gate crying. Orlando went up and they got back in their beds by themselves. He tucked them in. That went on for about half an hour more. By this time it was eight thirty. We decided the next time they came to the gate, we'd leave them for a bit longer and after about ten minutes they went quiet.
At nine, I walked past their room and heard Carmen say "HI!" and I bolted up to my room. Quiet for another hour as I had a bath. I went in before bed to see where they were. Carmen was in her bed but I couldn't find Lena! Finally I found her in a pile on the floor, snoring, with her head under Carmen's bed! I put her back in bed, covered them up and didn't hear from them until 6am.
Now this is not something I want to admit. It's a guarded secret that I don't like to tell anyone. Carmen and Lena go to bed at 7pm and usually sleep until 8 or 9. This is one of the reasons I was SO reluctant to make the transition to toddler beds. I was petrified of losing this luxury. So at 6, I heard Lena come to the gate and call for us, cry a little, and then to my horror, I heard her go over and try to wake up "Dodo" (sister). For the next half hour I heard them on and off, and I had such anxiety worrying about waking up at 6 every day now... and this is when I became determined to buy two cheap cribs off Craigslist and keep them in those until kindergarten. But after a bit, all was silent and we fell back asleep. They woke up at a normal time, 8:18 (for some reason this exact time is often when we get up). I went downstairs and they were both standing in their reading nook, happy.
So that's the first night. Success? I'm not sure. It's 10am and I'm already worried about today's nap-time. I think I'll start early. Breathe in, breathe out. I am patient and loving. I will not lose my cool. Repeat.
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Pinnacle Peak
I saw a bunch of yellow flowers growing out of desert rock.
The stems strained out between two boulders,
reaching up, towards the sun.
On tips, the vibrant yellow sang,
We can be beautiful, we can grow
in the most unlikely places,
in the most difficult places,
flowers can bloom.
When it's hard,
too hard to say,
not only can it be ok
it can be beautiful.
The stems strained out between two boulders,
reaching up, towards the sun.
On tips, the vibrant yellow sang,
We can be beautiful, we can grow
in the most unlikely places,
in the most difficult places,
flowers can bloom.
When it's hard,
too hard to say,
not only can it be ok
it can be beautiful.
Monday, March 12, 2012
Ch-Ch-Changes!
It's exciting times in the Vazquez house. We're just re-adjusting to life at home after our vacation, Lena's wearing big girl undies during the day, and yesterday we said goodbye to sleep sacks. From about 3 months old, the girls have been sleeping in little sleep sacks that zipper up so they can't kick off their blankets or wrap them around their faces while they sleep. Then, the night before last, Carmen threw a fit. The sleep sacks we have are up to 18 months (girls are 19mos) and I knew I didn't want to continue using them after they outgrew this size, so it was only a matter of time before we got rid of them.
I believe Carmen was hot, or feeling restricted in her now-too-small sleep sack, but for the first hour of her crying and screaming in the middle of the night, I couldn't figure that out. Finally I took off her sleep sack and she said "uhoh" a few times before falling back to sleep. Then she woke at 4am because she was cold so I covered her in a blanket. They slept through last night too, minus the 4am "we're cold" cry. So... I'm thinking maybe I just need to leave the heat on in their room now to keep them toasty (and, most importantly, asleep).
Since we're on the topic of change, Orlando and I set up the toddler beds last night. Now it's just a matter of when we start using them. Today I'm going to the store to look for child-proof mechanisms for the closet and dresser. Then I'm going to make room in said closet for all their toys and books to stay locked in during bedtime. I'm going to put a gate across their bedroom door so they can't get out. Then... I shall change beds. *sigh*
On that note, if you're interested in buying some excellent condition Grobags of all sizes, or a DaVinci Emily style mini crib, let me know!
I believe Carmen was hot, or feeling restricted in her now-too-small sleep sack, but for the first hour of her crying and screaming in the middle of the night, I couldn't figure that out. Finally I took off her sleep sack and she said "uhoh" a few times before falling back to sleep. Then she woke at 4am because she was cold so I covered her in a blanket. They slept through last night too, minus the 4am "we're cold" cry. So... I'm thinking maybe I just need to leave the heat on in their room now to keep them toasty (and, most importantly, asleep).
Since we're on the topic of change, Orlando and I set up the toddler beds last night. Now it's just a matter of when we start using them. Today I'm going to the store to look for child-proof mechanisms for the closet and dresser. Then I'm going to make room in said closet for all their toys and books to stay locked in during bedtime. I'm going to put a gate across their bedroom door so they can't get out. Then... I shall change beds. *sigh*
On that note, if you're interested in buying some excellent condition Grobags of all sizes, or a DaVinci Emily style mini crib, let me know!
Saturday, March 10, 2012
We Did It!
Well, we're home from our second family vacation and first flight with the babies. We went down to Arizona to stay with my parents for just over a week.
I was anxious about flying with the babies, and although it wasn't fun, it wasn't too bad. As it turns out, about a million other parents had the idea to go down to Arizona with their children to visit their parents as well, so there were a lot of babies on the flight. We even saw triplets! The crying newborn behind us took most of the attention away from our squirming toddlers.
For the first year of the girls' lives I did not feel like I could go anywhere (on vacation) with them, but after they turned 1 we went with our family to a wedding in Kelowna and we had a great time. So when we talked about going to Arizona, I knew that we could do it, and that most importantly, the girls would really enjoy it. I'm always surprised at just how much they learn when we're on vacation. While we were in Kelowna, Carmen learned to walk. While in Arizona, Lena started potty training herself and learned a million new words. I come home after being away for a week and feel like the babies have grown up so much!
They went swimming in a pool for the first time in their lives, and they LOVED it. Carmen took to it right away, but Lena cried and was afraid. She sat with Nana at poolside the first day. The second day we took them in, and both girls had a blast. Lena was saying "kick", "splash", "jump" "step", "pool" and "aqua" (Abuela teaches her some Spanish so she calls water "aqua"). Carmen couldn't get enough of Papa and was waking up much earlier than normal calling for him. Both girls are still waking up too early for my liking, but I'm hoping that will go back to normal and that daylight savings tomorrow will work in my favour!
Here's some pictures from our holiday. As amazing as our trip was, and as much as we'll miss the sun, we're happy to be back home in (rainy) Vancouver.
I was anxious about flying with the babies, and although it wasn't fun, it wasn't too bad. As it turns out, about a million other parents had the idea to go down to Arizona with their children to visit their parents as well, so there were a lot of babies on the flight. We even saw triplets! The crying newborn behind us took most of the attention away from our squirming toddlers.
For the first year of the girls' lives I did not feel like I could go anywhere (on vacation) with them, but after they turned 1 we went with our family to a wedding in Kelowna and we had a great time. So when we talked about going to Arizona, I knew that we could do it, and that most importantly, the girls would really enjoy it. I'm always surprised at just how much they learn when we're on vacation. While we were in Kelowna, Carmen learned to walk. While in Arizona, Lena started potty training herself and learned a million new words. I come home after being away for a week and feel like the babies have grown up so much!
They went swimming in a pool for the first time in their lives, and they LOVED it. Carmen took to it right away, but Lena cried and was afraid. She sat with Nana at poolside the first day. The second day we took them in, and both girls had a blast. Lena was saying "kick", "splash", "jump" "step", "pool" and "aqua" (Abuela teaches her some Spanish so she calls water "aqua"). Carmen couldn't get enough of Papa and was waking up much earlier than normal calling for him. Both girls are still waking up too early for my liking, but I'm hoping that will go back to normal and that daylight savings tomorrow will work in my favour!
