When we moved in March, I knew we loved the house, but I had no idea what the neighbourhood would be like. We really enjoyed our neighbourhood in the Hastings/Sunrise area. All I knew about the area was that we were moving onto the same street as my in-laws (they live a few blocks down), and a grocery store, library, elementary school, parks and Trout Lake were within walking distance. I had no idea just how many children lived on my block!
The first families we met were the ones that live in our strata lot. There are five homes on our lot (2 duplexes and 1 detached), and out of the five lots are four stay-at-home moms, with 7 kids under 8 years old between us. Soon after moving in, my neighbour two houses up knocked on the door with a bag of cookies and a 2 year old on her hip (she has 3 kids total). It turns out that there are about 15 kids under 9 years old within a half a block (all on our side of the street too).
When the babies get the 4pm blues, or if they are particularly fussy, I take them out to the front of our house where there is usually 1-3 moms hanging around with their kids. I don't have to go further than the curb and there is someone to help me out by holding a baby! Carmen and Lena love going out to just watch all the kids in action. If I open the front door around dinner time, Carmen clambers up the to the baby gate and cries to get out. If I let her, she'll crawl all the way to the front of the house to sit and watch the kids play. And the kids love the babies. They try to make them laugh, hold them, help them walk, and entertain them. I feel so grateful to live on such an amazing street with so many moms, kids and so much support. I'm also so happy for Carmen and Lena to grow up with kids to play with literally right outside their door.
Thanks to my neighbours who make living here so wonderful!
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Thank Goodness for Two
I used to play The Sims in my spare time to relax, and play out the fantasy of creating my dream home and having kids. Now that the kids are here, I don't play much but when I do, I play out my dreams of pursuing wild careers instead. Today, however, my Sim go pregnant. That's okay, I thought. She had her baby, and then she had another... and another! Triplets?! What! Both my Sim parents had to take unpaid leave from their job and my days became: Feed Bottle, Change Dirty Diaper, Snuggle, Play, Put in Crib, Take a Quick Shower, Eat Leftovers, Sleep. My heart started racing when all three Sim babies cried at the same time, their status going from Green (Happy), to Yellow (not too Happy), to Red (furiously crying, with the risk of Social Services coming to knock on the door and take them away forever).
PHEW. Not what I call a break from my reality. Having Simulated triplets really made me grateful for twins. At least I have two boobs to feed them with, two hands to hold them with, two legs to bounce them on and two hips to perch them on. I can't imagine how families with triplets do it (I'm not even going to try to imagine more than triplets - at that point it's like a baby army). So hats off to you, triplet mothers. Not that any of you will probably read this. But yes, today I am grateful for "just" two.
PHEW. Not what I call a break from my reality. Having Simulated triplets really made me grateful for twins. At least I have two boobs to feed them with, two hands to hold them with, two legs to bounce them on and two hips to perch them on. I can't imagine how families with triplets do it (I'm not even going to try to imagine more than triplets - at that point it's like a baby army). So hats off to you, triplet mothers. Not that any of you will probably read this. But yes, today I am grateful for "just" two.
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| There was a time before they had curls? |
Monday, August 29, 2011
Back to work! One day a week...
My lovely coworkers at Lush Cosmetics have allowed me to come back in a very limited capacity of one day a week in office, and some work from home.
I'm so busy around here, but I didn't want to just quit my job without trying to make it all work. Especially because I love my job and can't imagine just walking away from it, when I worked so hard to get where I am. Daycare is much too costly for two babies in the city, so I can't afford to go back full time. Besides the financial cost of daycare, being away from my girls for the next four years from 9-5 (8-6, really) 5 days a week costs too much emotionally. The benefits of having twins include not having to go back to meet maternity leave requirements for my next child (I don't plan on having more - not at this point anyways). Also, if I'm only going to do this baby/toddler thing once, I want to be here for everything. It's all going to happen in the next four years, and I want to be here for them. I can go back to my career full-time once they are in school. I know these few years are going to fly by.
I had my first day last Tuesday and it was so exciting! I caught up with everyone, went to a meeting where adults talked about ideas, wrote a lot, used the creative side of my brain, and at the end of the day, came home to my little baby girls. My mom and dad are babysitting for me every Tuesday, so I don't have to put them in daycare. When they leave for Arizona in October, my mother-in-law is going to take over if all goes well. I wouldn't be able to do it without them! Thanks Nana & Papa & Abuela.
I'm so busy around here, but I didn't want to just quit my job without trying to make it all work. Especially because I love my job and can't imagine just walking away from it, when I worked so hard to get where I am. Daycare is much too costly for two babies in the city, so I can't afford to go back full time. Besides the financial cost of daycare, being away from my girls for the next four years from 9-5 (8-6, really) 5 days a week costs too much emotionally. The benefits of having twins include not having to go back to meet maternity leave requirements for my next child (I don't plan on having more - not at this point anyways). Also, if I'm only going to do this baby/toddler thing once, I want to be here for everything. It's all going to happen in the next four years, and I want to be here for them. I can go back to my career full-time once they are in school. I know these few years are going to fly by.
I had my first day last Tuesday and it was so exciting! I caught up with everyone, went to a meeting where adults talked about ideas, wrote a lot, used the creative side of my brain, and at the end of the day, came home to my little baby girls. My mom and dad are babysitting for me every Tuesday, so I don't have to put them in daycare. When they leave for Arizona in October, my mother-in-law is going to take over if all goes well. I wouldn't be able to do it without them! Thanks Nana & Papa & Abuela.
Friday, August 26, 2011
Looking Forward
During the weeks leading up to the girls first birthday, I couldn't help but think back over this past year's hardships.What a relief that the intense level of sleep-deprivation and physical demands of constant nursing are behind me.
I am friends with a few other twin moms on Facebook. Mostly, we've never met. We've been united through friends who say "I know another twin mom!" and connect us online. What I have noticed about being a twin mom during the first year, is that we are stuck between the place of feeling blessed, and feeling intensely otherwise. For me, there comes a guilt with being a twin mom that says it's not acceptable to acknowledge or pronounce feelings of anguish about having two at once, because we are supposed to be the lucky ones. Not only did we have the luck to have children, but we had two at once! We must be so lucky, and so blessed. I'm not denying that is the case. I'm just saying that the overall feeling during the first year, was that I did not feel lucky, or blessed. For us, the first year of twins was not easy, and was not fun.
Another twin mom told me that at first, we feel unluckier than everyone else to have twins. And then, a few years go by and we suddenly realize we are actually the lucky ones.
I'm done looking back at this past year. The girls' first birthday party was a huge celebration, especially for myself. We made it one year; we have healthy, happy babies and we did our best for them. Knowing that, I am ready to move on, to stop reflecting and to start looking forward.
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| One of the happiest days of my life. |
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
We came here to have babies
I remember this day last year vividly. I was laying in bed in the morning, uncomfortably on my side, sleepless like I had been for months. I had an extraordinarily large belly, stretched out more than I ever thought possible. My doctor had been talking induction for weeks as my body showed kidney abnormalities and signs of pre-eclempsia. My body was struggling to provide nourishment to the growing, full term twins.
The phone rang at about 9am, a friendly woman named Nancy from BC Women's Hospital was calling to tell me they had some room there, that my doctor was there, and if I wanted to come in for an induction, I could. I hung up to think about it. I talked to Orlando and he encouraged me to do what I felt right, but I knew that every day that passed was getting more difficult, and he was worried and stressed about my health and well-being. At this point in my pregnancy, I felt desperate, depressed and beyond ready. I decided to go into the hospital and phoned Nancy to tell her.
Orlando told work he wouldn't be coming in, and we drove over to my brother and sister-in-law's house. It was blazing hot, and we were all feeling emotional as we thought about the labour ahead of me and the imminent arrival of the girls. They told me I should eat, and had leftover pizza so I had a slice (bad idea alert! I saw that pizza later). Jen drove us to the hospital, trying to be cheery and relaxed, but we were worried and scared.
In the hospital waiting room I tried desperately to get comfortable, sitting, standing, laying. There was no way I could get even remotely relaxed or comfortable in my condition. Finally they led us to my delivery room - and coincidentally, where Jen gave birth to her son a mere 8 months earlier. We set up shop, my waters were broken, and the labour began.
A lifetime ago. A year ago. So much has changed! I'm so looking forward to the girls' first birthday tomorrow, to start a new year with them. Everyone was right, it just keeps getting better!
The phone rang at about 9am, a friendly woman named Nancy from BC Women's Hospital was calling to tell me they had some room there, that my doctor was there, and if I wanted to come in for an induction, I could. I hung up to think about it. I talked to Orlando and he encouraged me to do what I felt right, but I knew that every day that passed was getting more difficult, and he was worried and stressed about my health and well-being. At this point in my pregnancy, I felt desperate, depressed and beyond ready. I decided to go into the hospital and phoned Nancy to tell her.
Orlando told work he wouldn't be coming in, and we drove over to my brother and sister-in-law's house. It was blazing hot, and we were all feeling emotional as we thought about the labour ahead of me and the imminent arrival of the girls. They told me I should eat, and had leftover pizza so I had a slice (bad idea alert! I saw that pizza later). Jen drove us to the hospital, trying to be cheery and relaxed, but we were worried and scared.
In the hospital waiting room I tried desperately to get comfortable, sitting, standing, laying. There was no way I could get even remotely relaxed or comfortable in my condition. Finally they led us to my delivery room - and coincidentally, where Jen gave birth to her son a mere 8 months earlier. We set up shop, my waters were broken, and the labour began.
A lifetime ago. A year ago. So much has changed! I'm so looking forward to the girls' first birthday tomorrow, to start a new year with them. Everyone was right, it just keeps getting better!
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
The simple things... like walking
I know I should be careful what I wish for, but I so wish the girls could walk. It's simple things like going to and from the car that require a five step pre-planned procedure and one or more baby-moving devices.
Today I decided to forgo setting up the stroller, wheeling the babies to the car (20 feet from my front door), then folding it up and putting it in the trunk. Instead, I experimented with a yo-yo approach. Place one baby in the backyard, sitting down with mommy's keys in hand to occupy her, go back in for the next baby and move her just outside the fence, go back for the next baby and move her down the path to the next fence, go back for the next baby and take her to the car, put her in her seat and go back for the next baby and carry her to the car. They remained in my sight at all times but I didn't feel like this was a particularly "safe" way to get to the car. Playing with mommy's keys kept them from crawling anywhere or eating pebbles, but it still didn't feel right.
On the way back in from our excursion, Lena was placed with mommy's keys by the fence, and I turned to go back to get Carmen, got to Carmen's door and Click. Doors locked. I had to go back to Lena (with keys) and push the unlock button. Back to Carmen's door and Click. Locked. By the time I got Carmen out, Lena still had the keys and locked the car back up for me.
It's times like this that I wish for the simplest of things, like for them to be able to walk the 20ft to the car. And yet, I know when that happens I will be wishing they couldn't walk, because they will be running in opposite directions down the back alley while I try to get everything and everyone into the car. Baby leashes recommendations anyone?
Today I decided to forgo setting up the stroller, wheeling the babies to the car (20 feet from my front door), then folding it up and putting it in the trunk. Instead, I experimented with a yo-yo approach. Place one baby in the backyard, sitting down with mommy's keys in hand to occupy her, go back in for the next baby and move her just outside the fence, go back for the next baby and move her down the path to the next fence, go back for the next baby and take her to the car, put her in her seat and go back for the next baby and carry her to the car. They remained in my sight at all times but I didn't feel like this was a particularly "safe" way to get to the car. Playing with mommy's keys kept them from crawling anywhere or eating pebbles, but it still didn't feel right.
On the way back in from our excursion, Lena was placed with mommy's keys by the fence, and I turned to go back to get Carmen, got to Carmen's door and Click. Doors locked. I had to go back to Lena (with keys) and push the unlock button. Back to Carmen's door and Click. Locked. By the time I got Carmen out, Lena still had the keys and locked the car back up for me.
It's times like this that I wish for the simplest of things, like for them to be able to walk the 20ft to the car. And yet, I know when that happens I will be wishing they couldn't walk, because they will be running in opposite directions down the back alley while I try to get everything and everyone into the car. Baby leashes recommendations anyone?
Monday, August 8, 2011
Getting Emotional
I have been feeling thick with emotion lately. My body feels sore, heavy and tired. The body part is probably because I've been lugging around 19 & 20lb babies (I weighed them today!). The emotion bit might have to do with weaning, letting go of that phase of my babies' lives. It is also related to their first birthday approaching and thinking back to this time last year. Not only that, but my neighbour just had her baby girl on Saturday night and I went weapily through my ultra-tiny baby onesies to lend her a few.
Looking back to last August (through December) is really hard. Somehow I made it out alive, with happy, healthy little girls. But I am tired. As I say goodbye to their first year, I am so relieved it is all over. Sleepless months, frustration, exhaustion, and so many tears.
I remember so many nights of leaning over my babies as they tandem nursed, crying onto their faces in exhaustion. I remember the dark, long winter in our one-bedroom apartment. Walking in the rain with Lena in the baby carrier at 4am because she'd been crying for 2 hours and Orlando had to work in the morning. Pushing my angries out with the double stroller around my frozen neighbourhood at all hours of the day and night. Trying desperately to get the babies to sleep. Most of my memories are of the desperation I felt. Deep, dark and rich.
I know myself so much better. I know what I am capable of. I know my family better, cherish them more than I ever have before. I have so much more empathy for new moms (and old moms), especially mothers of multiples. I have experienced higher highs and lower lows than I ever knew possible. It's been an extraordinary year, and I am so ready to say goodbye to it.
Looking back to last August (through December) is really hard. Somehow I made it out alive, with happy, healthy little girls. But I am tired. As I say goodbye to their first year, I am so relieved it is all over. Sleepless months, frustration, exhaustion, and so many tears.
I remember so many nights of leaning over my babies as they tandem nursed, crying onto their faces in exhaustion. I remember the dark, long winter in our one-bedroom apartment. Walking in the rain with Lena in the baby carrier at 4am because she'd been crying for 2 hours and Orlando had to work in the morning. Pushing my angries out with the double stroller around my frozen neighbourhood at all hours of the day and night. Trying desperately to get the babies to sleep. Most of my memories are of the desperation I felt. Deep, dark and rich.
I know myself so much better. I know what I am capable of. I know my family better, cherish them more than I ever have before. I have so much more empathy for new moms (and old moms), especially mothers of multiples. I have experienced higher highs and lower lows than I ever knew possible. It's been an extraordinary year, and I am so ready to say goodbye to it.
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| Then |
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| Now |
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Gratitude for Good Health
It's easy to get caught up in the daily drama of life and forget to be grateful for things as basic as health. It's only until we become sick, or someone we know becomes sick that we suddenly realize the most important thing in life is living.
After our doctor, and then our pediatrician couldn't figure out what a small skin tag on one of the babies was, we were sent to see a general surgeon. So yesterday we took the girls to the Children's Hospital to get it checked out (turns out it's benign and will go away on it's own within the next few months). Being in the waiting room with a room full of sick and potentially sick children humbled us. Then, going into the doctors office and having him ask us questions about our babies' health and development (does she seem to play normally, is she growing normally etc.) put things into perspective. The general surgeon told us, "It's nothing to worry about. She won't require surgery, and it will go away on it's own" was such a relief. But I couldn't help thinking about all the children, all the babies, that do require surgery.
My heart goes out to all families with babies who are sick. I can't imagine the magnitude of being in that situation. I'm grateful for the health of my babies, my husband, family and friends. Sending love your way, and wishing you and your families the best of health. xoxoxo
After our doctor, and then our pediatrician couldn't figure out what a small skin tag on one of the babies was, we were sent to see a general surgeon. So yesterday we took the girls to the Children's Hospital to get it checked out (turns out it's benign and will go away on it's own within the next few months). Being in the waiting room with a room full of sick and potentially sick children humbled us. Then, going into the doctors office and having him ask us questions about our babies' health and development (does she seem to play normally, is she growing normally etc.) put things into perspective. The general surgeon told us, "It's nothing to worry about. She won't require surgery, and it will go away on it's own" was such a relief. But I couldn't help thinking about all the children, all the babies, that do require surgery.
My heart goes out to all families with babies who are sick. I can't imagine the magnitude of being in that situation. I'm grateful for the health of my babies, my husband, family and friends. Sending love your way, and wishing you and your families the best of health. xoxoxo
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Weaning
It's Breastfeeding Week or something, and ironically the time I have chosen to wean. I did it - breastfed two babies for an entire year. And frankly, I am ready to be done with it.
As demanding as it has been on my body, I am so proud that I have been able to nurse for this long. For the first three months I was nursing each baby every 2-4 hours. I repeat - for THREE months I was nursing EACH baby EVERY 2-4 hours. No break. No escape. No sleep longer than 4 hours. But we made it through and got the hang of it and slowly that became every 4-12 hours. Now, here we are, one year later.
I am excited to end nursing, and I think my babies are ready too. Two weeks ago I cut out the nursing session before their first nap, and yesterday I cut out the nursing session before their second nap. They have adjusted perfectly so far. I give them a sippy cup with whole milk, we go into their room and turn on the lullaby, drink from cups and have a cuddle. I enjoy it so much more than nursing. I actually didn't enjoy nursing at all. I didn't feel like it was this major bonding thing, I felt like it was a job to be done. I felt like I was the machine on a production line, and the babies were coming down the belt towards me ready to be nursed.
As I was nursing, I wasn't usually admiring the baby, I was thinking about the other baby. Was she crying, waiting in line? Was she nursed and sitting in bed staring at us? Was she trying to fall asleep but distracted by us in the room?
So as this year comes to an end, I have sold my breastpump, bottles and nursing pillows. I'm going to continue the before-bed nursing session and the middle of the night session for a while longer because it works for us, and that's it. We made it a year! It's time to move on, and I'm so relieved.
As demanding as it has been on my body, I am so proud that I have been able to nurse for this long. For the first three months I was nursing each baby every 2-4 hours. I repeat - for THREE months I was nursing EACH baby EVERY 2-4 hours. No break. No escape. No sleep longer than 4 hours. But we made it through and got the hang of it and slowly that became every 4-12 hours. Now, here we are, one year later.
I am excited to end nursing, and I think my babies are ready too. Two weeks ago I cut out the nursing session before their first nap, and yesterday I cut out the nursing session before their second nap. They have adjusted perfectly so far. I give them a sippy cup with whole milk, we go into their room and turn on the lullaby, drink from cups and have a cuddle. I enjoy it so much more than nursing. I actually didn't enjoy nursing at all. I didn't feel like it was this major bonding thing, I felt like it was a job to be done. I felt like I was the machine on a production line, and the babies were coming down the belt towards me ready to be nursed.
As I was nursing, I wasn't usually admiring the baby, I was thinking about the other baby. Was she crying, waiting in line? Was she nursed and sitting in bed staring at us? Was she trying to fall asleep but distracted by us in the room?
So as this year comes to an end, I have sold my breastpump, bottles and nursing pillows. I'm going to continue the before-bed nursing session and the middle of the night session for a while longer because it works for us, and that's it. We made it a year! It's time to move on, and I'm so relieved.