How is this pregnancy different from my last?

One of the questions I get most often is how I am finding this pregnancy different from my twin pregnancy.

First of all, I know who is kicking me :) And he kicks a lot! I am really in touch with his cycles of sleep and wake, because when he's awake he is on the move. I feel a lot more connected to the baby than I did with the twins, which I think will be the biggest difference even after he's born. Along with the sleep deprivation and nursing, one of the hardest things for me having twin infants was the emotional struggle I had when it came to bonding. I wanted so badly to just give one of them all of me, hold one until they fell asleep, gaze at one lovingly, give one all of my attention. Those moments were few and far between, which really impacted how quickly I bonded with each of them.

Another difference is that I am able to see a midwife, which is a totally different style of care than my rushed OB appointments last pregnancy. We talk for as long as we are able, my girls come to the appointments and hold the doppler, listen to the heartbeat. At my appointment yesterday the midwife said I feel baby kicking so much because there is so much room in my uterus after carrying twins! The baby is just swimmin' around in there. And, because of the previous pregnancy, I'm carrying really low. I think that's normal for a lot of women in their second pregnancy though.

My midwife said to me yesterday that "this birth is going to be completely different". I think the birth part, and having an infant is when I'm really going to notice all the differences between having one and having twins. Twin births are a big deal and often wind up with medical intervention. Having one baby is "normal". What I hope for most with this birth is just that it begins and progresses on its own. I can't believe I'm getting so close to my due date that I'm starting to prepare mentally for the birth!

It's a...

Although I was highly anticipating my twenty week ultrasound to find out the sex of the baby (at the end of October), I felt quite strongly that it was a boy. I even bought a few blue onesies, and started thinking of boy names. As the weeks went by, my intuition became stronger and stronger. I was feeling quite certain when I went into the ultrasound.

I lay down and the technician put cold jelly on my belly and began. She asked me if I was going to find out the sex and I said yes, so she said she'd write it in the report and my midwife would tell me the next day. Hm. I didn't want to wait! So I started to tell her how my instincts were already telling me it was a boy, that I already knew him and was waiting for him. "Yes, wow" she said, as she looked at the screen.

When Orlando came in to the room, she said "I guess I can show you... here's the head, here's the heart beating, the chambers of the heart. Here's two feet, legs and... this". She paused.

Orlando was preparing for another girl. But when the technician showed us the screen, I said "I don't think girls have those parts" and she smiled and said, "Nope". I looked up at Orlando and as he slowly realized that he was going to father a son, his face just lit up. Mine did too. My son was here with me.

I kid you not... we're having one more!

When I announced I was pregnant on Facebook a few months ago, lots of our friends were shocked. Many of them remembered hearing me say I'd never do this again, and others thought we were "getting it all done at once" with the twin thing. But... here we are, pregnant again!

I've always had a longing to experience one baby, but I was so afraid of getting pregnant with twins again. I went back and forth, my mind always shutting down the idea of having more children with logical reasons, but my heart didn't feel the same way. The door to having more children was never fully closed, but it was certainly only open a crack.

After a rather intense experience with a clairvoyant (hah, did I just lose you there?), I knew in my heart I had a son waiting for me. So, I invited him into our lives. I have always felt as though I were meant to mother a son, and I really thought the twins would be boys, but it turned out they were girls which I was very excited about. There was just... someone else waiting for me.

We got pregnant in the beginning of summer and were immediately panicked. The day I got a positive test result I called my doctor to confirm and book an ultrasound. I spent the next few weeks worrying, regretting, hoping. Finally our appointment came after what seemed like centuries. I waited for those fateful words "I see one healthy baby", and broke into tears. One Healthy Baby! I've always wanted one baby! I asked the ultrasound technician about five more times if she was sure. She was! Relief, bliss, excitement came over me.

I only had one more question... was it a boy? Was it the son I've been waiting for?