I am a firm believer in magical thinking when it comes to babies and sleep. There has been far too much proof to deny it. I know that probably just writing this post and thinking about Lena and Carmy as they sleep will wake them up.
What I mean is that as soon as I think they are down for a nap, if I try to lay down myself they wake up and cry. Laying on the couch is risky, shutting my eyes is riskier, and putting the blanket over myself is the kiss of death. The moment that blanket is snug around me, someone cries.
Back massages are risky business too. Just when we think the girls have gone down for the night, I settle in thinking of relaxing, while Orlando simply touches my back and immediately someone cries out.
Taking a bath while they nap? Forget it. The moment that tap starts running luscious, hot water into my tub, someone's suddenly bothered and wakes up.
Simply looking at the clock and thinking "wow, this has been a good, long nap" wakes them up.
What is the deal?
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
On The Move
Lena is crawling. Fully navigating her way around, wherever she pleases. Today she crawled out of her room and down the hall.
There's an upside and a downside to this newly found mobility -
The upside: I don't have to try so hard to entertain her, she's able to explore the world around her on her own terms. She's always been energetic, squirmy and doesn't like to sit still, so this is wonderful. She can crawl around and do her own thing.
The downside: now I have to baby proof. Yesterday I found her grabbing a wire, chewing on some plastic garbage of some sort, and crawling towards the stairwell. Time to set up gates, locks, wire covers, outlet covers ugh I just don't even know where to start.
Carmy on the other hand is content to sit quietly and take books out of a basket, and put them back in. Take books out, put them back in. Out, in, while Lena does her spastic crawl all over the place, trying to find new things to get into. I don't know what I'm going to do once Carmy starts moving - Trouble! One will go in one direction, the other in another direction - I feel out of control already! I need baby leashes!
There's an upside and a downside to this newly found mobility -
The upside: I don't have to try so hard to entertain her, she's able to explore the world around her on her own terms. She's always been energetic, squirmy and doesn't like to sit still, so this is wonderful. She can crawl around and do her own thing.
The downside: now I have to baby proof. Yesterday I found her grabbing a wire, chewing on some plastic garbage of some sort, and crawling towards the stairwell. Time to set up gates, locks, wire covers, outlet covers ugh I just don't even know where to start.
Carmy on the other hand is content to sit quietly and take books out of a basket, and put them back in. Take books out, put them back in. Out, in, while Lena does her spastic crawl all over the place, trying to find new things to get into. I don't know what I'm going to do once Carmy starts moving - Trouble! One will go in one direction, the other in another direction - I feel out of control already! I need baby leashes!
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Positive and Negative equations
2(snotty, sneezing, coughing, whining, teething babies)
+ 1 sniffling, sore throated, exhausted mommy
- sleep
= this week so far
Talking about how tired I am depresses me further so it's time for a list of positives:
This too shall pass.
My mom and dad come home in one week.
My husband rubbed my back in his sleep while I whined miserably about being up for 3 hours in the middle of the night.
I have my own bedroom.
This morning instead of being woken up by crying I was awoken by Carmen shrieking, making Lena laugh.
Coffee.
Double stroller that enables me to leave the house on days like this when I dread trying to keep two babies who just want to be held happy.
Coffee.
I have someone coming to help me for the next three nights in a row.
This too shall pass.
A tip for you: Don't tell me how tired you are today (unless you have = or >2 babies)
+ 1 sniffling, sore throated, exhausted mommy
- sleep
= this week so far
Talking about how tired I am depresses me further so it's time for a list of positives:
This too shall pass.
My mom and dad come home in one week.
My husband rubbed my back in his sleep while I whined miserably about being up for 3 hours in the middle of the night.
I have my own bedroom.
This morning instead of being woken up by crying I was awoken by Carmen shrieking, making Lena laugh.
Coffee.
Double stroller that enables me to leave the house on days like this when I dread trying to keep two babies who just want to be held happy.
Coffee.
I have someone coming to help me for the next three nights in a row.
This too shall pass.
A tip for you: Don't tell me how tired you are today (unless you have = or >2 babies)
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| I love them best when they laugh, I love them second best when they sleep. |
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Levels of frustration
This morning I was not ready to get up when I heard Lena start to cry at 6:45. Breakfast was a mess, as per usual but today I was getting frustrated with them (could be that I was up every 2 hours last night). Peaches on pajamas, rice cereal in their hair. This might have me laughing on another day, but today I was annoyed. I realized that I haven't been angry or frustrated with the girls in a long time. I remember getting mad when they wouldn't have a nap about 3 weeks ago, and before that I can't remember when the last time was. It used to be every day that I got frustrated! So I looked back into my unpublished blog postings and found this from a few months ago:
Putting babies down for naps, especially when there is two of them and one of me, can be intensely frustrating. As time passes, the likelihood of overtired babies melting down increases. If one falls asleep and the other doesn't, the clock starts ticking - can I get the second baby to sleep before the first baby wakes up? If not, their nap schedules will be off and I will have one up, one down for the rest of the day (exhausting - no down time for me).
I thought I was a patient person until I had babies. I was this serene, glowy pregnant woman all peaceful about bringing twins into the world. That woman had no idea that her patience would be so tested. Sometimes I have to reach SO far down into myself for patience that it's painful. I truly had no idea what the word Patience meant until I had babies. I have identified five levels of frustration when it comes to attempting to get babies to sleep.
Level 1 - I am in a good mood, smiling and singing softly as I try to get my babies down for a nap.
Level 2 - Smiles start to fade. I stop singing. Silence fills the room. Mood begins to decline.
Level 3 - I start stomping a little. The smooth movements as I rocked my babies begins to fade and I am more jolting. Annoyance. Flecks of anger. Doors are not yet slamming but I am certainly not happy with the way this attempt at getting babies to sleep is working out. The patting on their backs in an attempt to get out stubborn burps becomes quite swift and stern.
Level 4 - I begin lashing out, asking baby(ies) angrily what the f is wrong with them and why won't they sleep?
Level 5 - I have left the babies in their cribs to their own devices and stormed out to the patio and slammed the door. Breathe fresh air and calm myself down.
Everyone out there with babies told me it would get better with time, and that they too experienced anger, frustration, annoyance. I had no idea these things would be such a huge part of motherhood. I'm so glad that they are not everyday occurrences anymore though! Days are filled more with joy and laughter than frustration. I don't even remember the last time I cried! Yay!
Ok they are up from their nap. Hope your weekend is filled with all those good emotions :D
Putting babies down for naps, especially when there is two of them and one of me, can be intensely frustrating. As time passes, the likelihood of overtired babies melting down increases. If one falls asleep and the other doesn't, the clock starts ticking - can I get the second baby to sleep before the first baby wakes up? If not, their nap schedules will be off and I will have one up, one down for the rest of the day (exhausting - no down time for me).
I thought I was a patient person until I had babies. I was this serene, glowy pregnant woman all peaceful about bringing twins into the world. That woman had no idea that her patience would be so tested. Sometimes I have to reach SO far down into myself for patience that it's painful. I truly had no idea what the word Patience meant until I had babies. I have identified five levels of frustration when it comes to attempting to get babies to sleep.
Level 1 - I am in a good mood, smiling and singing softly as I try to get my babies down for a nap.
Level 2 - Smiles start to fade. I stop singing. Silence fills the room. Mood begins to decline.
Level 3 - I start stomping a little. The smooth movements as I rocked my babies begins to fade and I am more jolting. Annoyance. Flecks of anger. Doors are not yet slamming but I am certainly not happy with the way this attempt at getting babies to sleep is working out. The patting on their backs in an attempt to get out stubborn burps becomes quite swift and stern.
Level 4 - I begin lashing out, asking baby(ies) angrily what the f is wrong with them and why won't they sleep?
Level 5 - I have left the babies in their cribs to their own devices and stormed out to the patio and slammed the door. Breathe fresh air and calm myself down.
Everyone out there with babies told me it would get better with time, and that they too experienced anger, frustration, annoyance. I had no idea these things would be such a huge part of motherhood. I'm so glad that they are not everyday occurrences anymore though! Days are filled more with joy and laughter than frustration. I don't even remember the last time I cried! Yay!
Ok they are up from their nap. Hope your weekend is filled with all those good emotions :D
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Yesterday, Joy
Yesterday was the most joyous day I've had as a twin mom as of yet. It's as though something clicked in the girls' minds and they realized at the same time they had a very entertaining play mate. Carmy was on one side of the room making grunting noises, and Lena was on the other side of the room in the exersaucer. Suddenly, Lena looked up and saw Carmen grunting and just cracked up; she thought it was hilarious! Carmy realized Lena was laughing at her and grunted more, laughing between grunts with Lena. This went on for a while, everyone laughing at each other.
A few hours later, they started laughing at each other again. I teared up with joy watching them play and laugh together. Wow, amazing. These past few days have been such a delight, Lena's tooth came through, Carmy has started rolling over, Lena is on the verge of crawling and now they are playing with each other and laughing together. It's all worth it :)
Here's a link to my flickr page. I tried to capture some of the laughter yesterday.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/loranda
A few hours later, they started laughing at each other again. I teared up with joy watching them play and laugh together. Wow, amazing. These past few days have been such a delight, Lena's tooth came through, Carmy has started rolling over, Lena is on the verge of crawling and now they are playing with each other and laughing together. It's all worth it :)
Here's a link to my flickr page. I tried to capture some of the laughter yesterday.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/loranda
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Love at first sight?
A few months ago I started writing a post entitled "What no one told me", and one of the big things no one told me is that I may not fall in love with my babies right away. The moment they were passed to me in the hospital was so overwhelming, the nurse put one baby on my chest, and then 3 minutes later, another. All I could think about was how to hold these two precious, tiny, fragile little creatures. I was in survival mode for months.
Of course I loved them fiercely, protectively, in a way that was primal. Without thought I did what I had to do for them to survive and grow. I have always done my best for them, but it wasn't until they were about five months old that I actually started falling in love with them. I had a lot of mommy-guilt for those first few months. Why didn't I feel the way those other moms who gushed over their baby felt? Would I ever fall in love with them?
I don't know if it is because I was a first time mom who had two babies to care for and was in such a highly stressful situation, or if it was just because it takes time to fall in love with two people at once, or something else entirely. I am sure there must be moms of single babies that feel this way too.
I guess I am just writing this in case anyone else out there feels this way, or felt this way, to say that it's okay. Maybe I'm just writing this to re-assure myself that the romantic moment when your baby is passed to you in the hospital sometimes isn't all you expected it to be. Sometimes it is. I know for some moms it was love at first sight. But if it isn't, that's okay. I'm wildly, madly, fully in love with Lena and Carmy now, and fall for them more and more with them every passing day.
Of course I loved them fiercely, protectively, in a way that was primal. Without thought I did what I had to do for them to survive and grow. I have always done my best for them, but it wasn't until they were about five months old that I actually started falling in love with them. I had a lot of mommy-guilt for those first few months. Why didn't I feel the way those other moms who gushed over their baby felt? Would I ever fall in love with them?
I don't know if it is because I was a first time mom who had two babies to care for and was in such a highly stressful situation, or if it was just because it takes time to fall in love with two people at once, or something else entirely. I am sure there must be moms of single babies that feel this way too.
I guess I am just writing this in case anyone else out there feels this way, or felt this way, to say that it's okay. Maybe I'm just writing this to re-assure myself that the romantic moment when your baby is passed to you in the hospital sometimes isn't all you expected it to be. Sometimes it is. I know for some moms it was love at first sight. But if it isn't, that's okay. I'm wildly, madly, fully in love with Lena and Carmy now, and fall for them more and more with them every passing day.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
One thing or another
Well the past few weeks have been busy to say the least. We have all been sick, moved house and now, I am pretty sure the girls are teething.
Nighttime sleep has completely regressed to months earlier when they only slept for a few hours at a time and woke up at night for at least two feedings. Not sure if it's the move, the new bedroom and environment, if it's teeth, or if they just aren't getting enough food during the day. Lena seems to be chomping on her hands all day long and fussing more than usual, and her gums look puffy. Carmy seems fairly normal during the day but she's waking more often at night. Before we moved they were SO good, they'd sleep solid from just after 6p.m to at least 1:30am, sometimes until 4am for their single night nursing. Now, they are waking between 10p.m and midnight, and again before morning (and sometimes again). Teeth? The move? Am I feeding them enough calories during the day? I'm still exclusively breastfeeding and I feed them about 1/4 of a banana in the morning and an ounce of vegetables each in the evening.
So moms, what to do? I'm committed to the rule of if I feed one, I feed the other, otherwise there is the potential to be up during the night twice as much. I also haven't done cry-it-out (yet) and am reluctant to start now because I don't know exactly what it is that is bothering them and I don't want to let them cry and deprive them of night nursing in case it is that they are truly hungry or are teething. I am just hoping they will go back to the one-night-feeding on their own... they've never been the kind of babies that wake up just for comfort at night. I really don't know what is going on with them! Help! Any advice moms?
Nighttime sleep has completely regressed to months earlier when they only slept for a few hours at a time and woke up at night for at least two feedings. Not sure if it's the move, the new bedroom and environment, if it's teeth, or if they just aren't getting enough food during the day. Lena seems to be chomping on her hands all day long and fussing more than usual, and her gums look puffy. Carmy seems fairly normal during the day but she's waking more often at night. Before we moved they were SO good, they'd sleep solid from just after 6p.m to at least 1:30am, sometimes until 4am for their single night nursing. Now, they are waking between 10p.m and midnight, and again before morning (and sometimes again). Teeth? The move? Am I feeding them enough calories during the day? I'm still exclusively breastfeeding and I feed them about 1/4 of a banana in the morning and an ounce of vegetables each in the evening.
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| Reading with my babes in our new home |
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Sick Day
I wish I could take a sick day. Drink copious amounts of neocitran and lay in bed watching old movies all day. Sleep at night without interruption. Alas, there is no calling in sick with this job.
Not only am I sick, but Carmen was sick all last week and now Lena is sick. I'm grateful that they took turns because if all three of us were fussy, tearful, and waking ourselves up coughing and sneezing I'd probably lose it. Besides a cough, Carmy is better now and has been a little angel while I dote over poor Lena Bean.
I knew this would happen eventually, and I'm thankful that this is the first time we've gotten sick, but I sure wish I could call in my mom or a nurse to take care of all of us! Oh well, every morning I pick up my bootstraps, grind up some coffee and start the day. No option but to press forward!
Not only am I sick, but Carmen was sick all last week and now Lena is sick. I'm grateful that they took turns because if all three of us were fussy, tearful, and waking ourselves up coughing and sneezing I'd probably lose it. Besides a cough, Carmy is better now and has been a little angel while I dote over poor Lena Bean.
I knew this would happen eventually, and I'm thankful that this is the first time we've gotten sick, but I sure wish I could call in my mom or a nurse to take care of all of us! Oh well, every morning I pick up my bootstraps, grind up some coffee and start the day. No option but to press forward!
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| Babies, you stay here while mommy lays down. |