This morning I was not ready to get up when I heard Lena start to cry at 6:45. Breakfast was a mess, as per usual but today I was getting frustrated with them (could be that I was up every 2 hours last night). Peaches on pajamas, rice cereal in their hair. This might have me laughing on another day, but today I was annoyed. I realized that I haven't been angry or frustrated with the girls in a long time. I remember getting mad when they wouldn't have a nap about 3 weeks ago, and before that I can't remember when the last time was. It used to be every day that I got frustrated! So I looked back into my unpublished blog postings and found this from a few months ago:
Putting babies down for naps, especially when there is two of them and one of me, can be intensely frustrating. As time passes, the likelihood of overtired babies melting down increases. If one falls asleep and the other doesn't, the clock starts ticking - can I get the second baby to sleep before the first baby wakes up? If not, their nap schedules will be off and I will have one up, one down for the rest of the day (exhausting - no down time for me).
I thought I was a patient person until I had babies. I was this serene, glowy pregnant woman all peaceful about bringing twins into the world. That woman had no idea that her patience would be so tested. Sometimes I have to reach SO far down into myself for patience that it's painful. I truly had no idea what the word Patience meant until I had babies. I have identified five levels of frustration when it comes to attempting to get babies to sleep.
Level 1 - I am in a good mood, smiling and singing softly as I try to get my babies down for a nap.
Level 2 - Smiles start to fade. I stop singing. Silence fills the room. Mood begins to decline.
Level 3 - I start stomping a little. The smooth movements as I rocked my babies begins to fade and I am more jolting. Annoyance. Flecks of anger. Doors are not yet slamming but I am certainly not happy with the way this attempt at getting babies to sleep is working out. The patting on their backs in an attempt to get out stubborn burps becomes quite swift and stern.
Level 4 - I begin lashing out, asking baby(ies) angrily what the f is wrong with them and why won't they sleep?
Level 5 - I have left the babies in their cribs to their own devices and stormed out to the patio and slammed the door. Breathe fresh air and calm myself down.
Everyone out there with babies told me it would get better with time, and that they too experienced anger, frustration, annoyance. I had no idea these things would be such a huge part of motherhood. I'm so glad that they are not everyday occurrences anymore though! Days are filled more with joy and laughter than frustration. I don't even remember the last time I cried! Yay!
Ok they are up from their nap. Hope your weekend is filled with all those good emotions :D
2 comments:
i feel ya, i mean i dont have twins so i obviously have no idea but with the two under two i face the same issues for nap time... a few weeks ago judah just would not nap in the afternoon when he usually does and i think i got to a level 4 every single nap time that week- it was pretty rough. we are back on track now so its all good but how crazy is it that such an innocent little precious thing can make the veins pop out in your neck and make you have crazy eyes so easily!? you are super woman!
Those overwhelming waves of frustration are such a challenge to handle, especially when you are so exhausted. I really think that is the hardest thing to learn how to deal with... a true test of character. I've failed that test many, many times.
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