Sleep Deprivation

I'm tired.

I've said this before, many times. But this is a depth of tired I never knew existed. It lives deep within my bones and throbs within my muscles, weighing down my entire body. For five months I've been the sole source of nutrition for two human beings, and the subject of an awful experiment in sleep deprivation. As time goes on, although they sleep better and longer than they did lo those many months ago (for the most part), I'm finding it hard to do the same.

It's no surprise that sleep deprivation tactics are used as a form of torture. Suddenly, when you least expect it WA! and you're ripped from your dreams, torn from your sweet slumber. You get up, do whatever is necessary (as if my brain makes the best decisions at this time of night), then lay down again. Mostly this is where I lay wide awake, my brain has been switched on and damn if I can turn it off again. Finally, half an hour later I begin to slip into another slumber... and literally as the dream starts to appear... WA! Repeat. All night long. The worst part about it is you never know when to expect it. Predictability has become as coveted as sleep itself.

I'm doing things only really, really tired people do. Cereal in the fridge. Milk in the cupboard. Saying words that make no sense. "Isn't this outfit portable?!... Isn't this outfit... portable?... Isn't it... adorable?!" I made "coffee" that was actually just hot water - I forgot to put the beans in. The part of my brain that regulates appropriate social behavior has been sacrificed. No longer am I able to wrap my brain around social niceties. Conversational skills? Out the window. And it's hard enough trying to keep up with my own husband let alone friends.

There, vent over. Thanks for reading, or not. I'm going to go pour myself another cup of coffee. *yawn