Today, at 4:34 and 4:37pm respectively, Carmen and Lena turn five months old.
When they were newborns and everything was impossible and chaotic, everyone said it would get better when they turned three months. Three months was the magic number. After an agonizingly slow three months passed, things got a bit better... but were still very difficult. I remember still saying at three months that I felt as though I could not do it, and simultaneously somehow I was doing it.
Then, three months passed and as we closed in on four, everyone started saying "six months is when they really get to be fun". At six months they can sit up, burp on their own (there is a post coming this week on the topic of burps - bane of my existence), they smile, giggle, play. And as they near six months I can see why this is true. Their little personalities are emerging every day and I'm falling madly in love with them. Don't get me wrong, I've loved them since day one - but in a fierce protective-mommy way; in a survival way, expressed through sacrificing myself night and day to meet their needs. Lately, I find myself gushing over them, munching on their plump chipmunk cheeks, marveling at their beauty, adoring their little noises, squeezing them in an attempt to get closer and closer - we can never be close enough. The moment has come, I have fallen hopelessly in love with them.
Saying "it'll get better" to new moms doesn't make things any easier, but I tucked that phrase into my pocket as a tiny glimmer of hope. It has in fact, gotten easier (easier, not easy). It's been the most intense five months of my life without a shadow of a doubt, but now that we're saying goodbye to that overwhelming dependency of the early months, I'm starting to actually enjoy being a mom.
When they were newborns and everything was impossible and chaotic, everyone said it would get better when they turned three months. Three months was the magic number. After an agonizingly slow three months passed, things got a bit better... but were still very difficult. I remember still saying at three months that I felt as though I could not do it, and simultaneously somehow I was doing it.
Then, three months passed and as we closed in on four, everyone started saying "six months is when they really get to be fun". At six months they can sit up, burp on their own (there is a post coming this week on the topic of burps - bane of my existence), they smile, giggle, play. And as they near six months I can see why this is true. Their little personalities are emerging every day and I'm falling madly in love with them. Don't get me wrong, I've loved them since day one - but in a fierce protective-mommy way; in a survival way, expressed through sacrificing myself night and day to meet their needs. Lately, I find myself gushing over them, munching on their plump chipmunk cheeks, marveling at their beauty, adoring their little noises, squeezing them in an attempt to get closer and closer - we can never be close enough. The moment has come, I have fallen hopelessly in love with them.
2 comments:
I love this post.
I hated having to tell you "it'll get better" because I knew how useless it sounded, and how, when your baby (babies) is 6 weeks old and you don't know if you can make it until tomorrow, telling you that things will be much easier in another whole 6 weeks (i.e., literally, a lifetime) is really not reassuring at all. But, it's the only answer I had. Still is. People said it to me, and I swore I'd try to come up with something more useful for other moms. But, really, that's it. It'll get better.
Also, the love thing. It's a tough one to say around non-parents because it sounds so smug, but I am constantly blown away by the love. I didn't know there could be love like this. And, the love isn't just for Adele - having her made me love everyone else in my life more too. She's like a love amplifier.
Ha, I just clicked on the comment link thinking "I love this post" and then saw Nicole's first words. The feeling that you want to snuggle them close and just can't get close enough is so true. I want to breathe in his smell and can't get enough. I want to kiss his cheeks over and over and just can't stop. And what Nicole said about these little ones being love amplifiers - it's so true. Maybe we tighten our circle of family and friends and those bonds grow? But I've also made new friends because of Jackson so it can't just be that. I don't know, but life just feels better now, like, what was I doing before?? I know that sounds smug but there's no other way to put it.
And yes, it was so hard telling you "it's just a phase, it'll pass, and then there will be another phase and it will pass too." But it's so TRUE. Not much you can do but hunker down and keep going during the hard times, and, like that quote I sent you, that Nicole sent me, from the book "Operating Instructions", right when you think you can't do it any more, you've gone ahead and done it.
Happy 5 months mama, not many people do what you've just done.
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