Smiles

I have a hangover. Last night got a bit wild and I had 3 whole beers and stayed up until 11pm. Despite my throbbing head, my desperation for more sleep and the sadness I feel thinking about my mom sitting on a plane right now on her way back to Arizona, I find myself smiling.

I've heard parents say that if you want to have kids because you think it will make you happier, you may be in for a surprise. To a certain extent I believe this to be true. While I may not be happier all-around, I find myself smiling and laughing a lot these days. I smile at the babies in an attempt to make them smile back. I laugh and play with them in an attempt to make them happy. And, of course, they do ridiculous things that make me laugh too. Even this morning, as crappy as I felt, there I was smiling at my babies. Soon, all three of us were smiling and giggling. It's pretty hard to smile without letting it lift your spirits.

The other night as I lay in bed (and by bed, I mean pull-out-couch in the family room, between my husbands computer desk and the kitchen) trying to fall asleep, I looked deep within myself and found some happiness just floating there below the surface. I brought it to life and suddenly it was as if I tapped into a river of joy. I realized that happiness doesn't come from how much sleep I've gotten, from having (or lacking) my own bedroom or having anything at all, but it's always right there waiting for me. No matter how exhausted, frustrated or overwhelmed I am, it's always right there and it's my choice to manifest it.

When I smile it makes Lena and Carmen smile and suddenly all three of us are feeling happy. Smiles and laughter can come from nowhere and nothing, and even when it's 6am, I haven't had a coffee and I've been up one too many times for one too many hours, all I need to be is willing to smile and it can turn my mood around.

My nephew Jackson's contagious smile :)