Bright Nights.

I haven't been writing much because things are going well. I'm really enjoying this stage in the girls lives and I don't have a whole lot to complain about. And people don't want to read about when things are going well, do they?

Well, in case you do I'll tell you about this past weekend. On Saturday afternoon we took the girls to a party where there were lots of other parents and babies. One of the parents jokingly asked me when I was planning on adding to the family (and in case you're wondering, that is the absolute furthest thought from my mind). But it made me think about how since I first found out I was pregnant with twins, I've always had the thought "I only have to do this once". It was the thought that got me through the hardest times in the first year. Knowing I'd never do what I did again made it more bearable. And now, this same thought, "I only have to do this once" has become "I only get to do this once".

I will only ever get to experience these things once. Carmen and Lena will never be small again. Living in the moment, and appreciating what is here now because it will never be here and now again makes every moment more vivid and more meaningful. I think this is part of the beauty of being a parent. There's a certain feeling that hits you in the heart when you have these thoughts. It's a blend of sadness, gratitude, happiness, absolute love and longing all at the same time.

Yesterday we went on the Bright Nights miniature train at Stanley Park for my nephew's second birthday. Carmen was dancing to the Christmas music, pointing at everything. Lena was staring quietly, gripping Orlando's fingers in her hands, taking it all in with a very serious expression. I was so happy in that moment, I was on the verge of tears. I tear up just thinking about it. I am so very, very grateful to have Carmen and Lena. So very lucky to have the experiences and memories I do. My intention is to live as much as possible in the present with my children. I only get to do this once.