Thursday, June 23, 2011
Gimme gimme!
How do you tell a ten month old not to steal toys from another ten month old? Can babies even comprehend sharing at this point? I'm not sure if I should intervene and reprimand Carmen when she takes a toy from Lena. When Carmen sees Lena with something, she is filled with an intense desire to possess that exact toy immediately. Lena doesn't seem to mind too much, but I feel bad for her and I don't want Carmy to think this behavior is ok. Have any of you dealt with this?
2 comments:
For now, my best advice is that babies learn by observing and experience, and positive reinforcement. No, she is not going to understand reprimands, and clearly something like "time out" is not going to work at all. But, you can just calmly say "Carmy, Lena was playing with that" or "It's not your turn yet" and give it back. And, when she does share, or give something to Lena, then clap and jump up and down and have a big celebration.
Babies are adaptable, and develop habits quickly (bad ones and good ones), so by this point, Carmen is probably used to taking stuff, and Lena is probably used to losing her things. That's not such a bad thing - if that's the way their personalities are going to be, then so be it, but ya, you do have to feel a bit bad for Lena, and you don't want Carmen thinking she can be this way all the time, with other kids too. So, slowly and surely, intervene, remind Carmen that "taking" isn't allowed, and praise her when she does share.
And, yes, I know that all sounds easier than it is. That's the shift that comes with the baby-toddler transition. As babies, the hard stuff is the routine, the exhaustion, the slog. As toddlers, suddenly the tough stuff is discipline and teaching values and rules.
Just today, Adele was constantly interrupting Michael and I as we were trying to have a necessary conversation. We'd start talking and she'd immediately call "mama! Help please" or something. When I'd stop and ask her what she needed, it was pretty obvious that she just wanted attention. So, the next time, I said "Adele, mommy is talking to daddy, please don't interrupt", and then ignore her. But, that's harder than it sounds when she's still yelling, and she's using words like "please", which she's learned gets her pretty much what she wants :P
I agree with the idea for positive reinforcement when she does share, thats a great idea. The idea of taking turns- giving it back and then letting her have it again after a while. Owen has recently started taking toys away from Max and one thing that seems to work is the barter system. Telling him that if he wants the thing that Max has, he has to offer something else to replace it. If Lena doesnt really care, then dont worry too much about it, Im sure they will work it out among themselves sometimes too :)
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