8 Weeks Left

As I ease into 31 weeks pregnant with baby #3, I've been thinking back quite a bit about this stage of pregnancy with the girls. I went off work at 30 weeks pregnant, passed off all my projects, had a baby shower and went home to incubate the twins. Then waited, albeit uncomfortably, at home, in sweet silence for them to arrive. I slept when I was tired, walked (very slowly) around my neighbourhood, drank 10 cups of water a day, ate fresh fruit and generally had no idea what I was in for.

This time around... is different. There's a general fear and anxiety that hangs over mine and my husband's heads, as we remember the, to put it lightly, "hard" time we had with twinfants. We know the worst of what we're in for. But we brush it away; it just can't be as difficult this time around /knocks on wood. I try my very best, but it's almost impossible to rest when I'm tired, and if I try to, I am clambered upon by elbowy three-year-olds, or suddenly everyone is upset about something and I have to get up. Instead of waking from pregnancy-related insomnia, and sleeping it off during the day, I'm awoken by toddler nightmares and early risers, and kept awake until bedtime.

With all the time I spend during the day feeding people, entertaining people, responding to people's questions, taking people potty, washing people's hands, helping people get their shoes and coats on, taking people to and from activities and appointments, I just don't have a lot of time to think about being pregnant, drinking 10 cups of water or eating fresh fruit, no matter how I try.

And then there's something new that I never experienced the first time around. As I think about holding my baby, my tiny, snuggly, helpless, sweet little baby, I start to glow. I know how short infancy is, I know firsthand how quickly everything changes. I hope this time around I am not so overwhelmed, that I am more relaxed and that even just at times, I'm able to enjoy it, enjoy my last baby, the one I wasn't sure I'd ever have, the one I was so afraid to try for, while he's so small.

HOW is it that despite all the sleepless nights, the desperation, the struggle, and now the busy life we lead, how is it that I melt at the thought of bringing another infant into our lives?